You push me and push me until I’m almost over the edge
I sit there, my legs dangling
Contemplating some shit
Wondering why I’m drawn to you
And you to me
Wondering why, when we like someone
When we say we care
We gotta be fucked up to them
Why we gotta push them away
Then try to draw them back in
But panic
When we realize
That it might just be
Too
Fucking
Late
I am fervently wishing to get over you…
Soon
You are the monkey on my back
Clawing at my chest
Trying to get into my heart
No matter how I thrash about
I can’t get you off
You are the tell-tale track marks along my arms
You fade with time but never really gone
You are the craving, the panic and the fear
And there’s a tiny voice inside
Reminding me that you ain’t going Nowhere
And then there’s the cold sweat
Along my temple, drenching my hair
I know it’s all psychological
But I feel it Everywhere
I was drunk with love for You
Stink with it
It oozed from my pores
And covered me in such a sheen
That people said I have a glow
I glowed…for You
But this morning I awoke
I was sober
Along with sobriety came the Love Hangover
Making me sick
I fell to my knees and bruised them on the way
I slumped against the wall
Too weak to stand
I wanted to retch but nothing came
I remembered that what I need to purge is embedded in my mind and burrowed in my heart
And that’s when the tears fell
Hundreds of tears
Bitter and salty
I tasted some and wiped away others
I needed something to do with my hands
Before they betrayed me
Before they found their way to the keypad
To dial your number
To ask You to console and love me
Before they could text You, “Come Over.”
But I willed myself to be still
To remember this feeling
My eyes are dry and now
I am sober
No more heartache
From this Love Hangover
His voice is ripe with derision.
“It’s not me,” he insists.
“It’s you, You. YOU!”
You don’t make me smile.
You make me unhappy.
You made me cheat.
You made me leave.
You made me hate you.
You, you, you…
Your words precise with scorn,
And I am shamed.
I am stunned.
I am scorned.
I am nothing without you…
Confessions of a Thinkaholic 