Finally had some time to watch some TV. And I randomly chose to watch a series called: Scenes from a Marriage. Woah, baby. This show has me all over the place with the emotions. I thought the actors did a phenomenal job – it felt so real and raw and mostly tragic. I’m almost finished but wow! It’s been a rollercoaster. And the thing is, most people in relationships/marriages won’t have that level of dialogue, such brutal insight. I mean, it physically hurt me to watch some of the scenes but perhaps I’m an outlier? Maybe I’m a sensitive person and this is why is resonates with me so much? I cannot imagine, and don’t want to imagine everrrr being in the position that either party of the couple found themselves in. It’s so complicated and why? Why are feelings so complicated? Why are we compelled to put ourselves in predicaments where anguish is an option? There’s no good answer to that so I’m going to polish off my wine and see if I can finish watching. All I know is that this is going to be stuck in my mind for a long time. I think ’m traumatized!
One day last week while I was working diligently into the evening hours, Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies” blasted from my little speakers. She sings “If he liked it then he should’ve put a ring on it.” Of course I’ve heard the song a gazillion times but for some reason that night I gave those words some thought.
If he liked it then he should have put a ring on it…
I’m transported back to 9th grade and truth tables for a moment. P → Q If p is true then so is q. So now I apply this to real life. I tell my coworker, “They all tell me they like it but still no ring.” I’m perplexed. LOL. It is true that they like it but I suppose that I should take a few things into consideration: How much does he have to like it? (Fellas, what scale do you use to rate how much you like it?); How many times does he have to like it? (Upon realizing he likes it, I suppose he has to continue liking it in order to want to keep it for a really long time but what’s the magic number? LOL); lastly and closely related to the previous question – How long does he have to like it? (Is there a time frame where he says to himself “It’s been 2 years. It’s time to put a ring on it!”) I’m not sure if you have to have the time, length and quality or just one or two will suffice. My coworker and I did a very quick, non-scientific study that resulted in some statistical data that was skewed at the time this happened. We asked our custodian these three questions and of course he laughed at us and told us that he doesn’t believe in marriage and although he’s been with his girlfriend for like 7 years now, marriage has never entered the equation. We wondered about the girlfriend…doesn’t she want to get married? He laughed and explained, “She’s not ready.” Hmmm, is that right? Well I guess the search for answers continue for all the legally Single Ladies. I encourage you all to conduct your own surveys and get back to me LOL. I need to get down to the bottom of this!
P.S. After his mini interrogation, the custodian informed me that my problem is that I listen to too much Beyoncé LOL☺☺. Darn it! Beyoncé, to the recycle bin you go LOL!!!!
I’m laying in bed watching all this snow and I’m wondering if Spring will make an early entrance. I hope because this snow is driving me mad! Anyway I was thinking (surprisingly) about marriage. I gotta be honest. I’m not getting any younger so I had to give myself a new threshold/time limit for when I want to be married by. I upped it to 50 years old LOL. If I’m not married by 50 then I will resign myself to a life of spinsterhood. I know some of you are thinking that 50 is kinda old and I’m thinking the exact same thing! BUT, I’m figuring it might just take that long for a man to say, “I want to marry you. ” I’m not the easiest woman to love – I admit it! I’m picky, and moody sometimes and excitable, and mellow and Intense. It’s rough I know, but hell – if all of those women on Bridezillas could find men to marry them so can I! I’m just accepting that it may take a little while longer. Or maybe a lot of while longer. But if I believe in the eventuality of it…well let’s just say anything is possible lol. I’m having all these thoughts of marriage because I went to court and was speaking to a colleague who is getting married. She showed me a color swatch of her bridesmaid’s dresses and I was all gushing because it was purple satin. Then she told me her date (late March) and she asked me if I had chosen mine. I was a little taken aback but realized that my pseudo engagement ring had thrown her off. I explained that it’s simply a deflector for all the loser men who approach me every day. But it made me think about what if I were getting married? To be quite honest, I cannot imagine it happening at all. Like I can’t even imagine someone proposing and keep in mind that I’m a writer. This is what I do – I IMAGINE things and create the picture with my words but I can’t imagine being proposed to, or marrying someone. It’s the oddest thing. I know some will say that I don’t believe it will happen for me and I believe anything can happen but I struggle with conjuring up scenarios of a proposal. My colleague tried to make me feel better (I think) when I revealed this to her by telling me her proposal was very low key and it took place in her apartment. And she said she knew her fiancé was going to propose because they had spoken about it. I think I’ve discussed marriage (in an abstract sort of way) with every man I know LOL but still no proposal. HA! I wouldn’t say I’m overly concerned or even moderately concerned about it though. If it doesn’t happen in like 10 years from now then I guess I might start feeling panicked. I’m more concerned about babies and my good ‘ol bio clock ticking louder and louder each day. I want to be married before I give a man the best gift ever (a child) so let’s hope that marriage happens before my eggs turn to dust LOL!!!!
Confessions of a Thinkaholic 