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Confessions of a Thinkaholic

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Life

Unnecessary post for the day :/

This morning I woke up to terrible stomach pains. It was as if I had consumed a large bag of candy whole. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling but I dealt with it. I began to think about the origin of this pain. It could be psychosomatic but I prefer to believe that it’s related to the very obvious mosquito bite that I received yesterday evening while passing through a block party. How the mosquito bite and my stomach pains are related is a story best left untold lol. Anyway, to make myself feel better I’ve decided to use today as a day to do things that I put off until I have “time”. Time is one of those things when you have it you take advantage of it but not in the most advantageous way. When you have a lot of it, you spend it luxuriously doing nothing much at all and when there is not much time you rush through all the things you should have been doing when you had too much time. Sooo on my to-do list for the day is the following:

  1. Shower
  2. Watch “Where The Wild Things Are” for the first time
  3. Eat/Drink a smoothie

That’s it. My list in its entirety. I admit it’s not much in the way of a list. (I already made my disclaimer about my limited skills when it comes to lists so don’t judge me.) But it’s mine and that counts for something. The most important thing is that I will be watching a movie that I’ve always wanted to see but never did for reasons I cannot explain except I didn’t have time. I have the book here in my possession.


I remember buying it from Barnes and Noble one day when I had too much time on my hands. I also had a burning question in my mind, “Where are the wild things?” I read it in like 120 seconds and I remember feeling cheated. I never read this book as a child. I’m pretty sure my mother never read it to me either. I felt cheated because reading it for the first time as an adult takes away all the wonderment and imagination of it all. In addition to that, all the annoying people who had read the book as a child asked me questions like, “Don’t you remember when…?” No, actually I don’t/can’t remember… and providing me with a bunch of details that I don’t know how they remembered is not making me remember anything. For some reason though, I feel like I am going to thoroughly enjoy the movie but we’ll see…

Love Hangover

I was drunk with love for You
Stink with it
It oozed from my pores
And covered me in such a sheen
That people said I have a glow
I glowed…for You

But this morning I awoke
I was sober
Along with sobriety came the Love Hangover
Making me sick
I fell to my knees and bruised them on the way
I slumped against the wall
Too weak to stand
I wanted to retch but nothing came

I remembered that what I need to purge is embedded in my mind and burrowed in my heart
And that’s when the tears fell
Hundreds of tears
Bitter and salty
I tasted some and wiped away others
I needed something to do with my hands
Before they betrayed me
Before they found their way to the keypad
To dial your number
To ask You to console and love me
Before they could text You, “Come Over.”

But I willed myself to be still
To remember this feeling
My eyes are dry and now
I am sober
No more heartache
From this Love Hangover

You

His voice is ripe with derision.

“It’s not me,” he insists.

“It’s you, You. YOU!”

You don’t make me smile.

You make me unhappy.

You made me cheat.

You made me leave.

You made me hate you.

You, you, you…

Your words precise with scorn,

And I am shamed.

I am stunned.

I am scorned.

I am nothing without you…

Resignation

Consumed by the weight of time,
Nothing consoles me.
The sound of the clock ticking off seconds,
Sounds harsh and accusatory to my ears.
Is this punishment for some past, heinous crime that I committed under the influence of you?
It burns me to know that I settled for you,
And look what you’ve done!
You’ve trapped me here in this space called nowhere.
You intend to do nothing to help me escape,
Strangely, the fault is all mine…

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