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Confessions of a Thinkaholic

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Love Hangover

I was drunk with love for You
Stink with it
It oozed from my pores
And covered me in such a sheen
That people said I have a glow
I glowed…for You

But this morning I awoke
I was sober
Along with sobriety came the Love Hangover
Making me sick
I fell to my knees and bruised them on the way
I slumped against the wall
Too weak to stand
I wanted to retch but nothing came

I remembered that what I need to purge is embedded in my mind and burrowed in my heart
And that’s when the tears fell
Hundreds of tears
Bitter and salty
I tasted some and wiped away others
I needed something to do with my hands
Before they betrayed me
Before they found their way to the keypad
To dial your number
To ask You to console and love me
Before they could text You, “Come Over.”

But I willed myself to be still
To remember this feeling
My eyes are dry and now
I am sober
No more heartache
From this Love Hangover

5

You

His voice is ripe with derision.

“It’s not me,” he insists.

“It’s you, You. YOU!”

You don’t make me smile.

You make me unhappy.

You made me cheat.

You made me leave.

You made me hate you.

You, you, you…

Your words precise with scorn,

And I am shamed.

I am stunned.

I am scorned.

I am nothing without you…

2

Resignation

Consumed by the weight of time,
Nothing consoles me.
The sound of the clock ticking off seconds,
Sounds harsh and accusatory to my ears.
Is this punishment for some past, heinous crime that I committed under the influence of you?
It burns me to know that I settled for you,
And look what you’ve done!
You’ve trapped me here in this space called nowhere.
You intend to do nothing to help me escape,
Strangely, the fault is all mine…

7

Untitled 3.23

The ebb and flow of my memories are not kind to you.

They drift into consciousness like a reel of old black and white film.

There’s no stark contrast…just muddled grays interspersed with spots of darkness.

A loss of awareness occurs because time has erased some of my pain and some of my joy.

I can’t remember if your voice soothed or if your touch bruised.

I can’t remember if you loved me kindly, or loved me at all…

5

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